Here’s how
you can tell:
1. Have you
noticed changes in his appearance lately? Are there spots of anti-fouling paint
on his sneakers? Does his T-shirt smell of diesel fuel? Is there waterproof grease
on his jeans? How about varnish in his hair? Hmmm . . .
2. Is he practicing
reef knots on his shoelaces and bowlines on his necktie? Hmmm . . .
3. Is the
cunning so-and-so being too nice to you? Showering you with gifts, texting you
every hour to say how much he loves you? Hmmm . . . Men don’t do that after the
honeymoon. Not unless they have a secret love.
4. Is he using
the internet non-stop, spending hours on Boatworld .com and MarineTrader.com? Is
he chatting on the Cape Dory website? Check his browser history. Is he wiping
it clean after every session? Hmmm . . .
5. Does he no
longer seem attracted to women? Has he stopped
buying Playboy and suddenly subscribed
to Cruising World? Hmmm . . .
6 . How about your sex life? Is he losing
interest? Does he have lots of nighttime headaches? Does he have a picture of a
sleek 30-Square Meter or a curvaceous
Westsail 32 in his wallet? Hmmm . . .
7. Is he extra grumpy around the house? Does he
deliberately start fights so he can storm out of the house? Hmmm . . . You know
where he’s going, don’t you? Straight down to the marina to lust over a 30-year-old
Catalina 30 tall rig going for $17,500 with a low-hours diesel engine.
But fear
not, madam. Remain calm. Tell him of your suspicions and be prepared for him to
deny them. Also be prepared to deal with the consequences if he won’t come
clean. Divorce is inevitable because men don’t change, especially the ones who
cheat and run away with flighty boats. But divorce needn’t last forever. He’ll
probably come crawling back and plead to be forgiven as soon as he receives the
first bill from the boatyard. Then you, madam, will be in the pound seats.
Today’s Thought
How do you know love is gone? If you said
that you would be there at seven and you get there by nine, and he or she has
not called the police — it’s gone.— Marlene Dietrich, ABC, Doubleday 1962
Tailpiece
The works
manager phoned the railroad station.“Are you the passenger section?” he asked.
“No, honey,” purred a female voice, “I’m the goods.”
(Drop by every Monday, Wednesday, Friday for a new Mainly about Boats column.)
2 comments:
John,
would I right in thinking you've just got the first invoice of the year in the mail from your friends at the boat yard?!?
By-the-way, When I read this, I thought you had been contacted by a certain female I'm acquainted with.....
The Westsail 32 was featured in Playboy in 1976... So there is that.
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