Is this not wicked? Is this not discrimination? Is this not
un-American behavior of the worst kind?
It’s as if Obama and Mr. Boehner have never heard of decent,
hardworking owners of sailboats — people who live honest lives, pay their
taxes, and contribute to the economy by consuming large amounts of beer.
A pox on such thoughtless politicians, I say. You can’t
trust a presidential candidate who doesn’t sail. Have they never wondered what
happens to old shellbacks when they are cruelly deprived of their beloved
boats? They tell me that old golfers never die; they merely lose their balls.
But what happens to sailors confronted with ever-rising slip fees and haulout
charges? They can’t even afford to paint their own bottoms.
My friends, we must use the power of the vote to change
this desperate state of affairs. We must let it be known that we want a president
who can steer a ketch or at least helm a Sunfish. We want a Vice-President who
can hand and reef and splice as well as take over the White House when the
President is away playing golf in Hawaii. We want leaders who aren’t afraid to
fight for a boat owner’s right to bop a banker on the bean when he tries to
repossess a humble sloop or cutter.
My friends, in this present hour we are all gearing up to
vote. If your candidates can’t sail, it probably means they have no hearts.
Throw the bums out.
My name is John Vigor and I approve this message.
Today’s Thought
I tell you, Folks, all Politics is Apple Sauce.
—
Will Rogers, The Illiterate Digest
Tailpiece
“She told me you told her the secret I told
you not to tell her.”
“Aw gee, I told her not to tell you I told
her.”
“You did? Well for
goodness’ sake don’t tell her I told you she told me you told her.”
