October 23, 2014

Something beautiful and slippery

I WAS WRITING SOMETHING for a magazine the other day and I mentioned the ancient Viking ship discovered in Gokstad, Norway, in 1880. I referred to her as “slim and slippery.” Someone objected to that description, saying the Viking ships were squat and fat and not very far advanced in the art of design.

Not so, I’m afraid. If you look at her lines you’ll see that she is, in fact, extraordinary in her beauty and fineness. She was light and fast and hardly disturbed the water she moved through.

Frederick K. Lord wrote an article about the Gokstad ship in The Rudder magazine in which he said that, considering the forms of contemporaneous ships, “it seems incredible that a vessel so far ahead of its time could be produced.” Contemporaneous, in this instance, means somewhere between the 8th and 11th centuries A.D.

She was a skuta, a type of small warship mentioned in the Sagas. She was designed mainly to be rowed but she did carry a squaresail for use when conditions were suitable. “She was built for speed,” said Lord. “Such a craft must have been very much used, being light, swift, and handy for short voyages and general purposes.” Her length was close to 80 feet and her beam was 16 foot 8 inches. She displaced 63,700 pounds and drew only 3 foot 8 inches of water. She carried about 80 men.

Colin Archer took the lines off her and no doubt marveled, as many others have done after him, at the advanced design and construction. “The boats of Norway are today almost exactly like this old ship,” said Lord, “and such an instance of persistence of type is without parallel in the history of shipbuilding and affords indisputable proof of the skill and knowledge of the Norsemen in designing and building ships. Considering the leading dimensions and type, what designer today would undertake to improve the lines of this boat? Could he produce a fairer set of waterlines, buttocks and diagonals?

“Many parts are decorated with ornamental tracings and carvings and the whole bespeaks the conscientious care with which these Viking boats were built. Driving down the wind with swelling sail, shields on gunwale, and crowded with a crew of lion-hearted men dressed in barbaric splendor, the whole a mass of color — what a sight it must have been!”

A sight to make a stout-hearted man quake in his boots and run to lock up his wife and daughters, I should think.



Today’s Thought
Never slay more than one man in the same stock, and never break the peace which good men and true make between thee and others.
— The Icelandic Sagas 

Tailpiece
An Italian immigrant was having trouble with English irregular verbs.
“I can’ta weara my wool skirt any more,” she said. “I have send it to the cleaners and they shrinked ... shrank ... shrunk ... Oh!” she broke off in desperation. “I putted on weight.”

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October 21, 2014

Ladies' pajamas and a sensitive question

ONE QUESTION that you don’t often hear is: What pajamas should a  lady wear while cruising on a boat?

It only got asked once in my lifetime. My wife asked it.

I said immediately, “Babydoll pajamas, of course. Pretty pink ones.” It occurred to me that I would appreciate a bit of help pulling up the anchor, and a lady in  babydoll pajamas in the cockpit might attract some male brutes from nearby yachts.

But such was not to be. My wife led me to believe that she was never going to appear in public in pink babydoll pajamas and what’s more what kind of a man was I even to suggest such a thing?

“I am a sailorman,” I explained. “Sailormen like babydoll pajamas, specially pink ones.”

“Dream on,” she said, and never mentioned the subject again.

I have since consulted Wikipedia to ascertain why the love of my life was so put off by the suggestion of babydoll pajamas. According to Wiki, “A babydoll is a short, sometimes sleeveless, loose-fitting nightgown or negligée intended as nightwear for women.”

I’m no expert on haute couture, admittedly, but that sounds perfectly harmless to me. In the event, she made a small compromise. She appeared on board in conventional pajamas — long sleeves and full-length pants — but they were pink.

And yet she was mortified when, after a four-day passage at sea, we arrived in port in the middle of the night and she was called from her bunk to help with mooring. A berthing gang of men was standing by on the quay in case we needed help. “Oh!” said June, taken aback.

“What?” I said.

“We’ve just arrived safely at our first port in our own yacht. And I’m wearing pink pajamas and an orange anorak. So chic!”

Men don’t have the same concerns about haute-couture faux pas, of course, and we couldn’t care less about upsetting the finer feelings of a stubble-chinned bunch of longshoremen. In the tropics my pajamas are invariably loose athletic shorts. Around here in the Pacific Northwest a cozy track suit works well. I can go straight from my bunk to the foredeck to check the anchor rode and not have to worry about the fashion police arresting me because my top doesn’t match my pants.

I guess men are lucky. In most ways, it’s very nice to be a sailorman, even in the lamentable absence of pink babydoll pajamas.

Today’s Thought
I remember seeing a movie with Jose Ferrer and Rosemary Clooney where they were husband and wife, and they got in bed, and he had on polka-dot pajamas and she had on striped pajamas, and when they got up the next morning he had on the striped pajamas and she had the polka dot pajamas, and that was considered racy at that time!
— Bob Newhart

Tailpiece
Little Mary woke at 2 a.m., called for a glass of water, and demanded to be told a fairy story.
“Hush, sweetheart,” said her mother, “your father will be home soon. He’ll tell us both one.”

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October 19, 2014

The book within a book

I WOULD LIKE TO ACQUAINT YOU with the fact that former Marine captain Michael Pitre is a fine judge of boating books. Pitre, who served two terms in Iraq, has written a novel based on his experiences over there. It’s called Fives and Twenty-Fives (Bloomsbury) and has received high praise in the literary world as one of the great novels of war. In fact, Kirkus Reviews goes as far as to describe Pitre’s book as “one of the definitive renderings of the Iraq experience.”

I mention all this for good reason. On page 5 of the book, the hero of the story talks about a neatly organized stack of books that constitutes his ever-expanding sailboat research library. And he says: “John Vigor’s Twenty Small Sailboats to Take You Anywhere sits atop the pile, catching my attention first.”

Page 5! So near the beginning! Be still, my heart! I have never been mentioned in a novel before, let alone so close to the start.

Pitre’s hero adds: “I reach for Vigor’s book, though I know it almost by heart at this point.”

What a perspicacious author this Michael Pitre is. What keen judgment he displays. Who could be more acutely perceptive? What an excellent choice he made in keeping Twenty Small Sailboats right on the top of his protagonist’s pile of boating books.

And what can I do by way of returning the compliment, other than to recommend with the greatest sincerity that you rush out and buy his novel? The book views the conflict in Iraq from the unusual perspective of a platoon of Marines whose job is to fill potholes in Anbar Province during the bloodiest period of the war. That’s more dangerous than you might expect, because every pothole is booby-trapped with an explosive device.

Fives and Twenty-Fives often reads more like a personal memoir than a conventional novel, and apart from describing many suspenseful moments on Iraq’s treacherous highways, it also delves into the problems faced by servicemen returning home from that life-changing conflict.

Pitre himself quit the Marines in 2010 to study for his MBA at Loyola and now lives in New Orleans. I can only hope that his novel tops the New York Times best-seller list — and, incidentally, makes millions of readers aware of another splendid book mentioned on page 5. 

Today’s Thought
Fame, we may understand is no sure test of merit, but only a probability of such: it is an accident, not a property of a man.
— Carlyle, Essays: Goethe

Tailpiece
I was laying on the green,
A small English book I seen.
As Carlyle’s Essay on Burns was the name of the edition,
I left it laying in exactly the same position.

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October 16, 2014

Thank goodness for Dacron

I DON’T SUPPOSE one sailor in 100 ever gives any thanks to the persons who invented Dacron and nylon, the materials from which most modern-day sails are made. That’s because most of us take our sails for granted, little suspecting the time and trouble it took to maintain sails in the old days, and to preserve their shape for efficient propulsion.
Ernest Ratsey, one of the great names of sailmaking, described the materials from which sails were made in the 1930s in an article in The Rudder magazine.

“There are two kinds of canvas basically,” he explained, “a Southern-grown American cotton which is white and an Egyptian-grown cotton which is called brown Egyptian because of its reddish tint. The difference is really very marked.

“This brown Egyptian is getting lighter in color every year and the only feasible explanation I have heard for this change is that in the olden days the River Nile overflowed its banks when it had too much water in it and irrigated the fields, sending with the water a lot of silt, which in itself is a reddish-brown color.

“Now, since the Assouan Dam has been built, nature no longer floods the fields but it is done by man instead and scarcely any silt goes with the water as most of it has settled to the bottom.

“Don’t confuse brown Egyptian with tanned canvas. This is a dye which I believe comes from India. This tanned canvas is used quite a good deal by the fishing boats and trawlers working off the Brittany coast and in the North Sea. This dye is supposed to preserve the canvas and, of course, it doesn’t show the dirt or the mildew.

“In the old days flax was used a great deal for canvas. It is of a very soft nature and even when wet it remains that way but, of course. sails made from flax do not hold their shape owing to its softness, that is why it has been superseded by cotton. Egyptian cotton has a longer staple than Southern-grown American cotton and it makes a stronger sail which seems to hold its shape better.

“You hear a lot about ordering sails in the winter time and you probably think that this is a lot of sales talk. In a way I suppose it is, but the real reason is that during the winter months when the steam heat is on and the loft is kept at an even temperature, the canvas as it goes through the various stages of manufacturing into a sail does not vary very much and in the end should turn out to be a smoother sail; whereas in the summer you may start a sail on a nice sunny day, have it blowing northeast with rain on the second day and get a dry nor’wester the third.

“This is really most disconcerting to the sailmaker because the canvas reacts very differently on each of these days, so you can see that it is much simpler and should be a safer proposition making sails during the wintertime.”

Today’s Thought
Oh, what a blamed uncertain thing
This pesky weather is!
It blew and snew and then it thew
And now, by jing, it’s friz!
— Philander Johnson, Shooting Stars

Tailpiece
Twinkle, twinkle little star,
How I wonder what you are
(Up above the footlights’ sheen);
Forty-nine or seventeen?

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October 14, 2014

An overabundance of caution

THERE ARE FAR TOO MANY SAILORS who are too cautious for their own good. They plan the hell out of everything. Every little excursion they make must be thoroughly researched. The right charts must be purchased as a backup to the GPS. Relatives must be furnished with a document to hand to the Coast Guard if they go missing. The radar must be working properly before they’ll cast off, as must the AIS and the VHF and the SSB. And so on.


I blame the Nanny State that forces us to wear seat belts and helmets for our own good, and imposes upon us speed limits and laws about not talking on cell phones. People with common sense don’t need this molly-coddling. As for the rest — well, Nature will take care of them. They’ll kill themselves and the human gene pool will be cleansed of their stupidity.


Way back in 1940, The Rudder magazine ran an article by Charles Blackford entitled “How I Cruise.” Charles was an inspiration to all of us. When he was asked what lists he used to provision the boat for a cruise, he said: “When I go cruising, I go for fun. I don’t intend to play valet to an ice box or chef to a five-course dinner. One old carton carries the chow, another the cooking and eating gear. All you have to do is pull them out into the light and dig. No hunting about under berths or in dark lockers.”

His questioner seemed somewhat shaken, but he continued nevertheless and asked how Charles Blackford set about the overall planning for a cruise. According to the article in The Rudder, Blackford replied: “I don’t plan. I may think about going a certain place five or six years, then when the combination of circumstances seems just right, I collect someone to go along, chuck my gear into the cabin and start. “Generally, I don’t get there. Quite often I find myself headed in the opposite direction, the wind being what it is. I have places where I want to go in all directions and all distances, so it doesn’t really matter.


“But when I do get started I run day and night as long as the wind is fair. If it heads me before I get to my destination I don’t argue but run into the nearest hole the wind allows me to make. Generally I find it quite as interesting as the place for which I was heading. (I’m always disappointed in my destination if I accidentally happen to arrive there.)


“Coming back, I take it easy, duck from pothole to pothole with a couple of days tucked up my sleeve for bad weather. If I don’t use them up I spend them in a short run from home, just lazing around and finishing up the grub so we won’t have much to lug off the boat. I cruise for fun, not as a self-imposed endurance contest.


“Having spent 15 or more years deep water I get my kick out of browsing in and out of pot holes. Cruising is a time of relaxation to me, not a desperate race against time and wind. I’ve gone out for days, had a good time, and never been twenty miles from my mooring.”


Today’s Thought
The man is prudent who neither hopes nor fears anything from the uncertain events of the future.
— Anatole France, The Procurator of Judea


Tailpiece
Instinct is what allows a man to recognize a mistake the second time he makes it. Experience is what keeps him from admitting it the third time.


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October 12, 2014

Keeping the watch down below

ONE OF THE MOST DIFFICULT TASKS a sailboat skipper faces is persuading the off-watch to get below and stay below. Particularly at the start of a coastal passage, which normally starts during daylight hours, it takes a fair amount of nagging to clear the off-duty crew out of the cockpit. If it’s a warm sunny day, the breeze is fair, and the sea calm, nobody wants to be down below.

But it’s important that the watch due to take over in four hours should be properly rested. The watch system should be started immediately you leave port, and even if the off-watch isn’t yet ready to sleep, they should at least lie on their bunks and start forming the habits that will serve them until they next reach port.

 Thomas Fleming Day, the editor of The Rudder magazine, had a great deal to say about the behavior of off-watch crews, especially  with regard to sailing at night, and he maintained that “the watch whose watch is below should keep it there, and not go on deck. If called on deck for the purpose of shortening or making sail, they should come at once. The skipper should not, unless it is necessary, interfere with the man he places in charge when his own watch is below. By doing so, you teach that man not to depend on his own judgment and knowledge. If he is a man you can trust, trust him, or else don’t let him have charge.”

Thomas Day also had this to say about night sailing: “Remember that it takes about three times as long to make or shorten sail in the dark as it does in the day. Therefore, if you have to get in canvas, give the men plenty of time. Never parley with squalls at night; take in sail until you find just what the blow is going to amount to.”

Day believed that in order to be comfortable and keep your crew in good humor, each watch when it goes on or off duty should be given a bite to eat and a warm drink. “If you don’t carry either a spare hand or a cook, then the watch below should get something ready for themselves, and for those coming off, before going on deck. A big pot of coffee or cocoa that can be warmed up, is the best thing.

“A well-fed and warm crew is a willing and good-tempered crew. If you let your men get cold, wet, and hungry, they will soon degenerate into a set of growlers and spoil your night sail.”

Well, take heed all you skippers. Now you know. You wouldn’t want to be sailing at night with a degenerated set of growlers, would you?

Today’s Thought
The night seemed long. Wilbur's stomach was empty and his mind was full. And when your stomach is empty and your mind is full, it's always hard to sleep.
— E. B. White, Charlotte’s Web

Tailpiece

Fascinating fact from the Central Office of Statistics:
Four out of every five woman-haters are women.

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October 9, 2014

All in a flap about flying fish

I  HAVE READ A BOOK written by an eminent ichthyologist that states categorically that flying fish do not flap their wings.  I have read the same thing in Wikipedia.  Both sources maintain that the flying fish use their special pectoral fins only to glide, not for propulsion.

Well, I have news for them. Flying fish DO flap their “wings.” I have seen (and heard) flying fish flapping their wings in the Atlantic tradewind zones. I was ideally positioned to observe this phenomenon — a few feet above water in the cockpit of a small yacht — on a day when white caps were flashing as far as the eye could see. In between them, the flying fishes flew, sometimes singly, sometimes in large shoals so that the whole surface of the sea seemed to be moving off.

The “experts” say these little guys wiggle their tail fins to get up speed and then simply glide with their wings outstretched. They do that, certainly, but they also flap their wings. They look and sound like giant insects when they’re airborne. They appear to be some kind of  locust or mantis, and their wings make that same kind of dry fluttering noise.

They soar for a hundred yards or more at a time, using their wings in bursts, then gliding. On occasion they use their tails and wings simultaneously to regain flying speed as they touch the breasts of swells, just like planes doing circuits and bumps.

They fly to escape from predators, of course, and when they fled from us they usually started off downwind, and took a slow semi-circle of a curve before landing face into the wind; but not always. Sometimes they flew upwind from the yacht; and at night we occasionally found them stranded on deck. We never ate them, but I’ve heard that they are delicious, fried for breakfast.

I must admit that it has occurred to me that the flying habits of fish might not be of great interest to you, but I hope that some of you, at least, will be in a position some time to see for yourselves that I speak the truth. I hope also that you will join me in thumbing my nose at the experts who say flying fish don’t flap their wings. They do.

Today’s Thought
The good ship darts through the water all day; all night, like a fish, quivering with speed, gliding through liquid leagues, sliding from horizon to horizon.
— Ralph Waldo Emerson

Tailpiece
“How’s your new math tutor?”
“He’s great. Even his teeth have square roots.”
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