What to do?
Two things — an effigy and a curse.
Make a crude
effigy of the offending skipper from modeling clay or putty, and stick
push-pins into him as you pronounce this Curse on Those Who Anchor Too Close
[1]:
A
pox upon you, miserable anchor dropper! (Jab.) May you suffer the torments of
the damned. (Jab.) May you rot in hell. (Jab.)
O
frightful scum, let there be no sleep for you. (Jab.) O jerk of the first
water, let your dreams be nightmares of osmosis, sludge in your tanks, oil in
your bilges, and an ever-overflowing holding tank. (Jab.)
May
the Coast Guard constantly be boarding you and frightening the very marrow out
of your bones. (Jab.)
Yea,
let it be that the jet skis shall find
you and plague you with their wakes and deafen you with their exhausts (Jab)
and drive you crazy with their banal shouts of joy, until you cry for mercy;
and yea, yet shall your cry go unheeded. (Jab.)
O
uncomprehending moron, all this and more I heap upon your unperceiving soul
(Jab) and may it bring you the sorrows and woes you so richly deserve. So be
it.
[1] This is
one of several boating-related curses in my book How to Rename Your Boat And 19 Other Useful Ceremonies, Superstitions,
Prayers, Rituals and Curses (Paradise Cay Publications).
Today’s Thought
I sent down to the rum mill on the corner
and hired an artist by the week to sit up nights and curse that stranger.— Mark Twain, A Mysterious Visit
Tailpiece
“Do you
always drink your whiskey neat?”“No, sometimes my tie goes a bit skew.”
(Drop by
every Monday, Wednesday, Friday for a new Mainly about Boats column.)
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