December 28, 2010

VigorLeaks reveals job distress

IN THE INTERESTS OF FREE SPEECH, VigorLeaks today publishes a recent letter to a Washington state department that was intercepted by a freelance whistleblower:

Dear Sir or Madam,

I would like to apply for Social Security disability benefits. This is what happened.

I was employed as a yard hand at the local marina. My boss told me to replace a burned-out light bulb at the top of a mast on a 45-foot cutter. Having drawn a suitable bulb from Stores Dept. I proceeded to boat. I had no help to get up mast but hit upon idea of filling two large plastic buckets with water. I tied them together and winched them to the top of the mast on main halyard.

I then secured my bosun’s chair to the halyard with the thought that the weight of the buckets would help me ascend mast.

Unfortunately, as I cast off halyard, I discovered that the weight of water in the buckets was considerably more than my weight. I therefore shot up the mast at high speed.

Unfortunately, my right shoulder crashed into the spreaders and became dislocated and heavily bruised. At the same time, descending buckets hit my left shoulder, cracking the bone and causing considerable pain.

Upon my arrival at masthead, two fingers of my right hand got jammed in the pulley, causing one to be broken and the other to be badly squashed. I had no time to install new bulb because the buckets, having hit the cabin top, fell over on their sides and emptied themselves. I was now considerably heavier than buckets, and began descending at a rapid pace.

Unfortunately, on my way down I met buckets coming up at high speed, causing severe contusions and bruising, and fracturing two ribs. I slammed heavily onto the cabin top, breaking a toe on my right foot. And then I must have lost control of my senses because I let go of the halyard.

The buckets now descended from top of the mast at high speed, one delivering a blow to my cheek, which was badly cut, and the other hitting me squarely on top of the head, which rendered me unconscious until a nice lady from one of the other yachts, having seen me bleeding and heard my screams, gave me first aid and called 911.

My boss says he doesn’t think I will be fit to work on boats again, at least not for his boatyard. I would therefore like to apply for disability and look forward to hearing from you.

[Name withheld to avoid embarrassment. -- Ed.]

Today’s Thought
There is no person who is not dangerous for someone.
— Madame de Sévigné, Letters

Boaters’ Rules of Thumb, #139
Ever wondered what’s in seawater? Well, here’s a list showing the number of grams of various chemicals in every 1 kilogram of seawater at a salinity of 35 percent:
Chloride 19.4; Sodium 10.8; Sulphate 2.7; Magnesium 1.3; Calcium 0.4; Potassium 0.4; Bicarbonate 0.1; Bromide 0.067; Strontium 0.008; Boron 0.004; Fluoride 0.001.

Tailpiece
“Where’ve you been?”
“Riding.”
“Horseback?”
“Yeah, half an hour ago, they tell me.”

(Drop by every Monday, Wednesday, Friday, for a new Mainly about Boats column.)

2 comments:

Micky-T said...

I just love the part where the water spills out of the buckets.

Alfex said...

That is too funny. Thanks John.