October 24, 2010

Snake tracing request

A LETTER TO THE EDITOR of the Walnut Street Gazeout (should be Gazette) says:

Dear Editor:

Yesterday I received a message from a cell just down the row from me. This guy is new and I don’t know him yet, but he heard I was familiar with the way to get a letter in the Gazeout. (Which I should be, seeing as how I was a newspaper reporter before I was let go and had to turn to bank robbery as a way of retrieving my taxes from the government.)

Anyway, to cut it short, this guy is looking for a certain book to help him improve his favorite pastime. Or what used to be his favorite pastime before.

He says this book is called The Tactics of Small Boa Tracing, by Stuart H. Walker, MD. If anyone knows where he can lay hands on a copy, please get in touch with me and I will pass on the message.

Seems to me like he has a peculiar pastime; but who am I to judge, I always say. Tracing small boas sounds like dangerous work, and if you catch one what do you do with it? Is this just practice for catching bigger boas or what?

Yours in carceration,

Stompie Fagend,
Block 4, Cell 35a

Today’s Thought
I’m in favor of every religion, with the possible exception of snake-chunking. Anybody that so presumes on how he stands with Providence that he will let a snake bite him, I say he deserves what he’s got coming to him.
— Earl Long, former governor of Louisiana

Boaters’ Rules of Thumb, #111
Inverter size. If you use an inverter to bump up your battery’s 12 volts to the 120 volts you need for a TV, computer, microwave etc., here’s the way to figure out the correct size. Just multiply your battery bank’s maximum number of amp-hours by 5 to get the inverter’s maximum output in watts.

Things of beauty
Often shake up
Men who view them
Minus make-up.

(Watch out every Monday, Wednesday, Friday, for a new Mainly about Boats column.)

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