Nevertheless, 2011 had its moments for
me, and it's only right that we should record them for posterity. I learned
some new things, picked up some new phrases, and tucked away little literary
snippets for future use. Here's what I mean:
The most apt name for 2011:
A Norwegian new to sailing bought a boat
to sail around the world and struck a sandbank outside his home harbor. While
he was waiting for the tide to rise, he made himself a cup of tea. His stove
caught fire, set the galley alight and burned the boat down to the waterline.
He escaped unhurt in a rubber dinghy. His name? Bornt Olose.
The best poem of 2011:
Teeth
is very nice to have, They fills you with content.
(If you don’t understand that now
You will when they have went.)
The cleverest Tailpiece of
2011:
Time flies like a speeding arrow. Fruit flies like a rotten banana.
The saddest story of 2011:
Stavros O'Blimey, inventor of the patented self-darkening whisky
glass, died in penury in Aberdeen, Scotland.
The most common exercises of 2011:
Running up billsHurling insults
Leaping to conclusions
Rubbing people up the wrong way
Pulling the wool over people's eyes
Throwing caution to the wind
Dragging people’s names into the mud
Dodging creditors, and
Flying off the handle.
Best nature poem of 2011:
Extensive exhaustive researchesBy Darwin and Huxley and Ball
Have conclusively proved that the hedgehog
Can scarcely be ravished at all.
While further industrious enquiry
Has incontrovertibly shownThat this state of comparative safety
Is enjoyed by the hedgehog alone.
The best reality checks of 2011:
Every silver
lining has a cloud.There’s a tunnel at the end of every light.
Best Dog-Latin mottos of 2011:
Vinum
super omnia.Contra ventum non urinatum.
Illegitimus non carborundum.
And behind the head door: Veni Vidi Wiwi
The most honest comment on exterior
brightwork in 2011:
The
John Keats Varnish Rule: “A thing of beauty is a job forever.”
Today's Thought
Now in the New Year reviving old
Desires,The thoughtful Soul to Solitude retires.
— Omar Khayyam, Rubaiyat.
Tailpiece
Cannibals
in the Congo captured a missionary as he was traveling up the river in a dugout
canoe. They
were about to drop him into a pot of boiling water when he cried out:
"Wait. Don't touch me. I possess powerful magic."He went to the canoe, and patted the outboard motor. He pulled the string and it burst into life with a loud roar. "See," he said. "I have power at my fingertips."
The
savages fell back muttering in amazement.
"Well,
I guess we'd better let him go," said the chief. "That really was
magic. I've never before seen an outboard start on first pull."
(Drop
by every Monday, Wednesday, Friday for a new Mainly about Boats column.)
1 comment:
2011's not only a prime, it's a sexy prime (look it up) and a sum of 11 consecutive primes. (What's that, officer? No, there's nothing wrong with me, all physicists are like that and these papers are all for- what's with the cuffs, mate? No, I'm not going to take that pill....)
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