Hospital dilemma

MEMBERS OF A SEATTLE YACHT CLUB recently finished a six-month multi-million-dollar fundraising campaign for new wing for a nearby children's hospital. They wanted it to be a surprise, but it presented a unique and unexpected dilemma for the hospital's Administration Committee.

The committee told the yacht club that it was very flattered and highly grateful, but it was not sure a new wing was necessary. After much discussion, the committee decided to ask a panel of doctors to vote on the idea.

The Allergists voted to scratch it and the Dermatologists advised them not to make any rash moves. The Gastro-enterologists had a sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the yacht club had a lot of nerve. The Obstetricians felt they were all laboring under a misconception.

The Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted; the Pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body,” while the Pediatricians said, “Oh, grow up!”

The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness; the Radiologists could see right through it, and the Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing. The Internists though it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, “This puts a whole new face on the matter.” The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists felt the scheme wouldn’t hold water.

The Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas and the Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no. In the end, though, the Proctologists left the decision up to some arsehole in Administration.

Today's Thought

The most melancholy of human reflections, perhaps, is that, on the whole, it is a question whether the benevolence of mankind does more harm or good.

-- Walter Bagehot, Physics and Politics

Tailpiece

“Can you direct me to a bank, young man?”
“Certainly, sir — that will be $50.”
“Fifty dollars? Isn’t that a lot for a tip?”
“Not for a bank director.”

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