June 3, 2014

Sailing is better than you-know-what

IS THERE A BETTER FEELING in the world than sailing?
Sex, did somebody say? No, no, no. It just doesn’t compare. I really shouldn’t have to convince you, but here are 15 good reasons why sailing is better than sex:

1. You never have to hide your sailing magazines.

2. It’s perfectly acceptable to sail with a professional.

3. There’s nothing in the Ten Commandments that discourages sailing with anybody.

4. When your partner makes a video of you sailing, you don’t have to worry that it will show up on the internet.

5. Your sailing partner won’t quiz you about people you sailed with before you were married. Or after.

6. It’s quite OK to sail with a perfect stranger.

7. When you meet a really good sailor in a bar, you needn’t feel guilty about imagining the two of you sailing together.

8. There’s no danger whatsoever that if you sail by yourself you’ll grow hair on your palms or go blind.

9. You can have a sailing calendar at work without precipitating a sexual harassment suit.

10. There are no known sailing-transmitted diseases.

11. When your sailing partner advises you to bring protection, any old anorak will do.

12. Nobody expects you to sail with one partner for the rest of your life.

13. You never have to wonder next morning if your sailing partner still loves you after a one-night sail.

14. Nobody slaps your face if you ask: “Do you sail?”

15. Your sailing partner will never say, “Not again! We just sailed last week, for goodness’ sake! Is that all you ever think about?”

Today’s Thought
Sex, a great and mysterious motive force inhuman life, has indisputably been a subject of absorbing interest to mankind throughout the ages.
— William J. Brennan, Associate Justice, US Supreme Court, 24 Jun 57

A small-town vicar was asked to lecture the local young girls’ club on Christianity and Sex. But because his wife was very strait-laced, he told her he was going to lecture on sailing.
A few days later the vicar’s wife met one of the girls in the street. She said the vicar’s lecture had been very interesting and informative.
“Huh,” the vicar’s wife snorted, “I can’t imagine what he knows about it. He’s only done it twice. The first time he got sick. The second time his hat blew off.”

(Drop by every Monday, Wednesday, Friday for a new Mainly about Boats column.)

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