BRITISH EMPLOYERS are giving staff as much as three
weeks paid leave to settle in new pets.
They call it “pawternity leave” and it’s in addition to normal annual vacation
time.
Roughly 1 in 20 companies offer
special time off when employees obtain a new pet. Some firms allow workers to
take a few hours off to settle an animal in a new home, but others offer up to
21 days of paid leave. This time can be used for training, visits to the vet,
or simple bonding time at the new location.
Well now, what does this suggest to you? Yes,
of course. What about special leave for a new boat? Right on. We all know that
a boat has a soul. She needs tender loving care and attention as much as any
old moggy or mongrel.
There is an obvious need for a few
weeks of pampering time to settle your new boat in its berth or on a mooring
while you splice up some fancy new mooring lines. You could use the time to
introduce your little darling to the neighboring boats, so she doesn’t feel
like the perennial new kid on the block. You could give her bottom a new lick
of antifouling paint and tickle her fancy with a coat or two of fresh varnish.
And, naturally, you’d need to take her for quite few test sails to see how she
reacts to your handling. There is no end to the list of things you could do in
three weeks of paid leave.
To those who will say all this is
just plain silly, I’ll add this: what is the difference between pets and boats?
Surely what’s right for one is right for the other. In fact, if you think about
it, boats are more useful than pets, and just as pretty. They don’t bite or
scratch, don’t soil the carpet, and don’t steal the barbecue steak. Boats carry
you to places and have room for you to sit down sheltered from the rain and
drink beer and wine. What pet can compete
with that? You can fish from a boat and smuggle booze or drugs if you want
to.
A boat will ignore you just as well
as a cat, if that’s the relationship you want, but, unlike a dog, no boat will disgrace
itself by mindlessly running to fetch balls and sticks. Neither do you have to
follow a boat with a plastic bag every time you take it out in public.
Furthermore, your boat won’t bite the postman’s leg and get you fined.
There is so much to learn about a
new boat, so many surprises. How many
old screwdrivers are there rusting in the bilge? What’s that livid, fluffy,
orangey-green stuff under the galley sink? Why the hell won’t the engine start
all of a sudden, and why have the batteries gone flat? This all takes time.
Employers should have realized this need for extended bonding a long time ago.
In fact, perhaps it’s time it was written into law. You might want to sound out
your member of Congress on the subject. Or, if you have access to Mr. Trump,
whisper it in his ear. He has a yacht. He’ll understand.
Today’s
Thought
Were
it not for love,
Poor
life would be a ship not worth the launching.
— Edwin Arlington Robinson, Tristram
Tailpiece
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
(Drop by every Monday, Wednesday, Friday for a new Mainly about Boats column.)
(Drop by every Monday, Wednesday, Friday for a new Mainly about Boats column.)
