Here's the
point: According to Guy Murchie, author of that extraordinary book The Seven Mysteries of Life (Mariner
Books), mankind as a species is about to die out. He states: "Out of
billions of species estimated to have foliated Earth in her five million years
of evolution to date, only a couple of million exist at any one time because
each lasts hardly a fleeting million years before it finally branches, withers,
or in some way loses its identity."
In fact,
99.9 percent of all the species who ever lived on Earth have already
disappeared, leaving only the most meager fossilized traces to prove it.
Now it just so
happens that it is about one million years ago that man became definable as a
separate species. Homo sapiens was
just learning how to talk and solve such problems as how to keep a fire lit.
"His numbers were small," says Murchie, "somewhere around
100,000 inquisitive furry creatures . . ."
Our numbers have increased many times since then, but the writing is on
the wall. Our time is up. We've had our million years of fun. If we
don't wither, we'll blow ourselves out of existence with nuclear bombs.
However, it
occurred to me that a species is a group of organisms capable
of interbreeding and producing fertile offspring. If we can start a new species
of sailors, Homo maritimus, say, we
will have another million years to play with while the landlubbers wither away
into oblivion.
The mistake
sailors made in the past was to mingle with the doomed landlubbers. That needs
to cease immediately. So stop having sex with non-sailors. Nature will then
work her magic and find a way to prevent your wasting your superior seed on
non-sailors, and, in turn, prevent them from forcing their inferior seed on us
during their declining days. The time will come when fading landlubbers will no
longer be able to breed with the brave new species of Homo maritimus, just as the mule is no longer able to breed with
the horse or the donkey, the very species that produced him.
It is your
job to save mankind from the kind of fate Mr. Murchie anticipates. It is, indeed, your task to foster a new,
improved species of mankind while the old, inferior one completes its fleeting
million years. And the way you do this is to stop having sex with landlubbers.
Instead, find a fellow sailor and make love to him. Or her. There should be no resistance once
you've explained that the future of mankind is at stake.
Today's Thought
Sex, a great and mysterious motive force in
human life, has indisputably been a subject of absorbing interest to mankind
through the ages.— William J. Brennan, former Associate Justice, U.S. Supreme Court
Tailpiece
"Good
morning, madam, can I help you?""Don't you call me madam my good man. I'm a miss. And as for the goodness of the morning, I didn't come here to waste the day in idle prattle with a loudmouth like you. I came here to purchase rat poison."
"Yes, madam. Shall I wrap it or will you eat it now?"
(Drop by
every Monday, Wednesday, Friday for a new Mainly about Boats column.)
I'm doing my part. Held out on marriage until I found a sailoress. =)
ReplyDeleteA couple of things. First, anotomically modern humans only go back about 100,000 years. But even if we were older, extinction isn't a matter of timing, as if every species had a clock ticking away inside it; it's simply that, amid all the changes and chances of life, something is bound to get you eventually. Whose to say that Homo maritimus wouldn't go first?
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had been enlighten to this some years ago. It seems I've been and walked on the dark side for years and unfortunately it's too late for me. But, I will pass the word along!
ReplyDeleteSorry Jack, I deleted your original comment by accident. Finger trouble combined with brain trouble. But here it is again.
ReplyDeleteJohn V.